Happy Birthday Bob

Yesterday I was flying down a Minnesota highway going from one job to another and chest pains of memories flowed.  It would have been Bob's 58 birthday. He died on August 6 1995 the week my youngest child turned five. From cancer. A life time ago. Well the car veered off onto an even smaller highway in the middle of the country side, winding through ripened wheat fields where he lay. I hadn't been to the cemetary in years. I am not a cemetary person. The pine trees winding around the cemetary are about 50 feet tall and seemed newly planted when he was buried. I stood there listening to, for the first time in ages the sound of the wind in the pines and the fields of wheat blowing all around me and thought again, now what? I have packed off the last child, I am alone but I am alive and really for the first time in my life I am free. I grew up in a somewhat abusive home with two parents who drank. Well what the h..., lets call a spade a spade they were alcoholics. I hung on for dear life to get through it. Went away to college, got married two weeks out of school, had kids, a career and for the last 16 years have been a single parent. I have wonderfull kids who have been eveything to me  but who am I now?  So I am the fifty freedom finder. That will now be my mission and I hope that by writing my thoughts down I will be able to see behind, aside and in front of me.